The second time I showed up to this magical place I knew where my campsite was! (site 51) I’ll never forget the day I discovered campsite #51 as it had the most distance between the other sites and such a convenient walk to the late-night bathhouse. This was the best spot on the grounds and nobody cared because no-one was dumb enough to be there. At this time in late Summer Florida, NO ACTUAL SANE PERSON rolls up thinking they’re going to camp and have a good time outside. Stay TF HOME!
OPEN THE VAN DOOR AND CLOSE IT IMMEDIATELY.
DON’T PUT YOUR GUARD DOWN. THERE ARE NOW 30 MOSQUITOS IN YOUR VAN.
YOU CAN KILL THEM OR THEY WILL BLOOD-FUCK YOU.
DON’T COME HERE. THE TOURISTS ARE ENOUGH. JUST LET ME BE THE GUY THAT LIVES HERE.
- This gives me the ability to enjoy this entire campground by myself without fear of harrassment from others. So please stay the fuck home and don’t ever come here because it’s all mine.
- It protects YOU from being tagged by a relentless abundance of mosquitos. The droning sound outhside? Must be a highway off in the near distance? No that is the sound of a swath of mosquitos on the way to penetrate you and suck your blood.
Why do I feel so “at home?” – There are few people here (almost none) and Smell and I are used to that being in Bumpass, Virginia. The different camp-sites are simple yet visually secluded as the relenting Florida overgrowth always seems to push out / fight back – as if to say… Get The Fuck Out Of Here, This is my campground. The prickly-looking plants and “poke-your-eye-out” vegetation lowers my stress levels. It might be just knowing that these jurassic-looking plants and trees are here to stay and not just wither away and die only to come back and do it again.
Typically in Virginia, when everything withers and dies when it’s tax time. Not here in Sunny Florida. Florida is the land of No State Income Tax. This is the place to snag a trailer on some land, a State Florida ID and exercise the right to fuck off.
FLORIDA: COME TO PLAY (OR BE PLAYED)
There isn’t much going on at any campsite.. a concrete pad to park on, a picnic table and a firepit. $24 per night includes water, electricity and bathhouses – This is my dream come true until I get my life together. I will be a guy that lives in State parks in the State of Florida in a state of slight consciousness.
Smell and I always hit the bathhouse between 11 pm – 5 am to avoid any potential Bobs, Steves or Deborahs. After our late-night walk to the bath-house and a few laps around the campground, Im going to cruise down to the Springs, put some snorkeling gear on and take a dive with some manatees. Smelly gets a kong full of peanut butter and some AC.
By now the tourists have begun to show up and will keep this campground virtually full throughout the “Florida Winter” I will continue to migrate whichever directions pulls at the me the most… typically hovering towards the warmth to avoid any possibility of coming toe-to-toe with cold winter depression.
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